Public awareness and empathy about autism MAY help prevent such tragedies

By Leo Kee Chye (08022022)
The shortened version is also published in the Straits Times at
https://www.straitstimes.com/opinion/forum/forum-public-often-quick-to-judge-autistic-kids-and-their-parents

The recent untimely demise of 11-year-old twin boys, believed to have had special needs, has led to the arrest of their father (Lau 2022). In a separate incident a year back, a Japanese mother strangled her autistic son before killing herself somewhere in Bukit Timah Nature Reserve (Wong 2020).

Deaths, autism and parents as perpetrators speak volumes about the challenges faced by couples with special needs children in Singapore.

Such challenges are exacerbated by a lack of public awareness and empathy towards these children.

The uninformed public is quick to pass judgement without bearing any responsibility. Regarding the twin boys’ deaths, one netizen wrote that the parents are ultimately to blame as they have chosen to deliver these children into rather than to abort them from this world.

Insensitive words hurt and they kill.

For the uninitiated, the usefulness of non-invasive prenatal testing for autism is limited, unlike detection for Down syndrome. Even if autism can be detected early, is abortion the only option? Prenatal testing decides who gets born and who doesn’t. But we cannot be too often reminded the drastic consequences of Nazi eugenics practices in terminating “life unworthy of life” in exchanging for the so-called biological improvement of the selected few in the last century.

As a parent of an autistic child, I have received more than my fair share of disapproving looks and hushed whispers, presumably directed at a spoiled brat for his inappropriate social behaviour and an overindulgent parent.

My most recent unpleasant encounter was with a pastor of a non-denominated church. My wife and I brought my son along to a meeting not related to my son’s condition. The pastor upon seeing my unruly son, knowing he was autistic, assured us he had encountered many of such children and under his “special” instruction, he had personally “cured” them. He took my son and sat him on the floor. Using his feet and arms, the pastor physically restrained my boy, reprimanding him and slapping hard my boy’s wrist. “Your child needs discipline,” he told us nonchalantly. My wife and I, especially my poor boy, were by that time traumatised by the pastor’s supposed treatment, which seemed more exorcism than early intervention. We quickly took flight, unapologetically.

Insensitive actions hurt and they kill.

Contrary to most people’s beliefs, most experts agree that there is no cure for autism. Hence, one should be wary of charlatans claiming otherwise.

In a qualitative study of autism services and supports in Singapore by Han, Tan, Crane and Legido-Quigley (2021), “the whole of society … needs to work together to fight autism stigma and discrimination”.

In the same study, a parent was quoted saying, “Because sometimes people may think that this is just an excuse for the children to misbehave, or the caregiver is not taking good care of the kid … They do not understand that some caregivers are trying to strike a balance between letting the children be independent and having some time for themselves. We have to face the child forever. So sometimes, we just want to let the child learn. But the public may not be so accepting of special needs children.”

I am not suggesting that better public awareness and empathy will surely prevent all such tragedies. But it definitely helps parents to better cope with their challenges.

According to a report from Healthxchange.Sg (2019), one in 150 Singapore children has autism, higher than than the average of 160 by World Health Organisation. By no stretch of imagination, the Ministry of Education estimated about 460,000 of the student population has a disability (Spd.org.sg 2021). If you were to multiply that number by 3, including the parents, we are looking at million when the Singapore population only stands at about 5.54 million strong.

From the above numbers, more of such tragedies, God forbid, are in the making.

However, we, the public, can all play a part by:
1. Not passing judgement too quickly ;
2. Checking with parents whether they need assistance;
3. Allowing parents time and space to pacify their child;
4. Refraining from scolding or commenting on the child’s behaviour;
5. Refraining from commenting on their parenting styles; and most importantly,
6. Not assuming we know best.

A little patience, empathy and graciousness goes a long way towards reassuring these parents and children that they are valued and supported.

References:

Han, Emeline, Melisa Mei Jin Tan, Laura Crane, and Helena Legido-Quigley. 2021. “A qualitative study of autism services and supports in Singapore: Perspectives of service providers, autistic adults and caregivers.” Autism 25, no. 8 (2021): 2279-2290.

Healthxchange.sg. 2019. “Study: 1 in 150 Children in Singapore Has Autism – HealthXchange.” https://www.healthxchange.sg/news/study-1-in-150-children-in-singapore-has-autism.

Lau, Jean. 2022. “Twin Boys Found Dead in Upper Bukit Timah Canal: Father Charged with Murder.” The Straits Times. January 24, 2022.
https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/courts-crime/father-of-twin-boys-found-dead-in-upper-bukit-timah-canal-charged-with-murder.

Singapore Population. “Singapore Population.” Base, 2020. https://www.singstat.gov.sg/modules/infographics/population.

Spd.org.sg. 2021. “Disability Facts & Figures – SPD.” SPD, December 29, 2021. https://www.spd.org.sg/about-us/disability-facts-figures/.

Wong, Cara. 2020. “Depressed Mum Killed Autistic Son before Committing Suicide near Bukit Timah Nature Reserve: Coroner’s Report.” The Straits Times. October 19, 2020. https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/courts-crime/depressed-mum-killed-autistic-son-before-committing-suicide-near-bukit-timah