Pinocchio’s Nose

Leo Kee Chye

Friday, July 23, 2004 

He came bursting into the room, performing mad little hops and words rattled off him like machine gun firing. “Listen! I’ve done it. This is really a historic moment,” he cried, grabbing his colleague’s hands. “Lee Meng! For ten long years, I’ve finally succeeded.”

“Hey! Where’s the fire?” Dr Tan Lee Meng replied, a bit annoyed and trying to shake off his grip. “You succeeded? You mean you’ve finally rid of your mum-in-law.”

Dr Wong ignored him.

“Look!” Dr Wong said, in all his seriousness. “This is a historic discovery, nothing short of a Nobel prize, I’m sure. I shall be famous and fabulously rich beyond my wildest imagination.”

“Come on! Don’t keep me in suspense. Blurt it out! What’s this about?”

“Okay,” Dr Wong said, pulling out a chair and motioned to Lee Meng to get one as well. “Do you know I’ve been working on an experiment all these while, for the last ten years in fact.”

“Yeah! Working almost round the clock and for many weekends as well.”

“Before I tell you about my discovery…I believe you know what’s a polygraph.”

“A lie detector that measures heartbeat, blood pressure, breathing rhythms, perspiration, etc.”

“Right! But this is on the premise that people who lie will get nervous, therefore hastening their heartbeat and pushing up blood pressure. Not wholly accurate though. Do you remember a double agent by the name of Aldrich Ames, who passed the polygraph test several times while he was with the CIA. Yet, he sold untold secrets to the KGB.”

“I do recall. He even bragged that anyone can beat the polygraph by being just relaxed during the test.”

“As neuroscientists, we know that when we lie, neurons in a certain part of our brain get fired off. But till now we still can’t really pin that particular area down.”

“I know all that…but what are you getting at?” Dr Tan Lee Meng said, getting impatience.

“You knew the Pinocchio’s story?”

“You mean the stupid children fairy tale about a boy whose nose ballooned whenever he lies?”

“Yes…yes…but the story isn’t a pure fabrication. The author of Pinocchio — Carlo Collodi Lorenzini, an Italian and long dead of course — was not just a prolific children writer. A lesser known fact is that he was also an accomplished physician as well as dabbling in occult and alchemy, at a time where the boundary between science and magic wasn’t well demarcated.
“I was in Italy for five years practising in a hospital when I stumbled upon some ancient books claiming the existence of a potion that when taken, a man’s nose will grow big whenever he lie.”

“You shouldn’t have believe all those old wives’ tales,” snorted Dr Lee.

“Sceptical at first but later I thought there wasn’t harm in experimenting with them. Interestingly, the ingredients used to concoct this potion are quite similar despite from various occult sources, though the proportions differ widely. Can’t really blame them when science was still at its infancy and proper measurement was almost non-existence.
“Somehow, I truly believe this would work. For the last ten years I played with the proportion and using myself as guinea pig. Finally last week, I triumphed! Nevertheless, as a scientist, I must always be cautious when interpreting my results. So, I did the experiment again for another four times. They all showed positive results.”

“What! You mean you managed to get your nose bloated?”

“Not bloated nor lengthen whatsoever. Carlo Collodi Lorenzini had grossly exaggerated the effect. What it does is really very subtle. The pores around the nose will expand, giving the area a pinkish hue, sometime red, especially in the supra-alar crease and philtrum region of the nose. Areas around the base of the nose — the infratip lobule, columella and nostril sill — will take on the tone as well. It’s very subtle. You won’t notice it unless you’re within an arm’s length from him. Even if you can spot the change, you’ll generally dismiss that as an allergy or a running nose. The subject of course will feel or suspect nothing unless he has a mirror in front of him where he can see that nose of his. Because of the reddishness and enlarging of pores, the nose appears to have been bloated. That was how Carlo got his idea for his children tale.”

“It just sounds too far-fetched. I…”

“Not far-fetched anymore,” Dr Wong said, grinning as he held up a tiny cylindrical container, inside packed with white tablets, in front of Lee Meng. “This is my baby — the fruition of my labour. This is all very scientific. Whenever we lie, our brain neurons go firing in some portion inside our brain. This chemical, somehow, upon receiving these signals, will trigger some subtle physiognomy change.”

“Well, I’m holding my breath now. But I need to see it before I can say anything,” said Dr Tan Lee Meng, his eyes hypnotised by the container.

“I knew it! I knew you’d say that,” cried Dr Wong. “Say we do an experiment. Let me call in nurse Mei Lin. Before that, I’ll get us tea.”

Later.

“I hope you enjoy your tea,” Dr Wong said.

“Now, you call me here isn’t just about having tea,” Mei Lin said, as she held the brim of the cup to her voluptuous lips.

“Of course…eh…by the way, your name is Mei Lin right?” Dr Wong asked, gazing at her intensely.

“What do you mean? Of course my name is Mei Lin.”

“Do me a favour! Please repeat after me, word for word, ‘my name is Tan Lee Meng.'”

“What!”

“Please! Just for me.”

“Crazy! Okay…my name is Tan Lee Meng.”

“Incredible!” Dr Tan exclaimed, fixated at her face.

“I told you so!” Dr Wong joined in.

Mei Lin was getting uncomfortable at the way the men were eyeing her. “Look! You two crazy men. I don’t know what you’re up to. I’m off now.”

“Bang!” The door slapped.

“Dr Wong! You are a genius! Did you see that? Her nose turned pink almost immediately after she uttered that,” Dr Tan cried.

“And the colour went off almost as soon as it came on. I just added only one tablet to the cup and it did the job perfectly.”

“Absolutely brilliant!”

“Lee Meng, I want you to be part of this and that’s why you’re the first to know it. Let’s work together.”

“Yes! We’ll be rich. Just imagine police forces all over the world buying from us.”

“And every court hearing will need a few bottles.”

“And it shall be made mandatory that all politicians must take them before making any public speeches.”

“I always wonder how Bill Clinton would look like if he has taken this,” Dr Wong said.

“Pinocchio, of course!” They let out a sinister laugh, like two sick voyeurs.

“Wait…It got to have a name. What are you calling it?” Dr Tan asked.

“How about Pinocchio’s Nose?”

“Sounds like a name for some children’s candy.”

“Well, its chemical name is DIISOBUTYLPHENOXYETHOXYETHYLDIMETHYLBENZYLAMMONIUMCHLORIDE,” Dr Wong said, stretching his breath.

“Eh…on second thought, Pinocchio’s Nose seems fine,” Lee Meng grinned. “Wait! I almost forgot. Any side-effects coming from this.”

“Yeah! There are,” Dr Wong replied. “There is some degree of toxicity in this drug. But a small dose is perfectly harmless. Anything beyond three tablets at one time is absolutely fatal. And death’s inevitable. Blood will ooze out from all his orifices, guaranteeing the victim the most excruciating death. Moreover, the peculiarity and toxicity of this drug will give more hell to the victim with increasing dosage. That is, more he took, the more he will suffer before dying.”

“Well, we just have to be careful on this.”

“Right! Tonight, I will celebrate my discovery with Mei Lin.”

“Mei Lin? Mei Lin the nurse?”

“Well, I guess I’ll might as well let you know. I’ve been seeing Mei Lin for the past couple of years. It’s a matter of time, I’ll ask for a divorce from my wife. If it wasn’t for her father, the all mighty towering figure in the medical world, I’d dumped her long ago. With this drug, the ensuing fame and riches, I fear no fathers of hers.”

“It’s getting late. We’ll talk about this tomorrow. Careful about where you place that baby of yours. That’s our future.”

“No worries! That thing belongs in the lab,” Dr Wong said, putting the container into his pocket. “I see you tomorrow then.”

The next morning, Dr Wong with his wife was having breakfast at home.

Mrs Wong, in her early forties, still fairly attractive, seated, was spreading butter and jam onto bread. “You came home quite late last night. Where did you go?”

Dr Wong, sipping coffee with one hand and holding to the newspaper with the other, replied: “Aiyah! Work lor.”

Mrs Wong was staring at him intensely. “Tell me! I heard rumours about something between you and a nurse Mei Lin.”

“Mei Lin? There’s nothing between between us,” Dr Wong replied sharply, slamming the newspaper onto the table. “Rumours! Rumours! Those damn rumours. You shouldn’t have believed any of them. They are planted by my colleagues, my enemies, who’re but jealous of your husband’s current position and accomplishments.”

Mrs Wong’s eyes remained fixated at her husband. Her facial muscles went twitching for a while. “Then do you still love me?”

“Honey! What question is this? Of course, I do love you. You’re everything there’s to me. I simply can’t imagine a life without you. And for the most selfish reason, I would rather you outlive me than I spending my life without your presence, not even for a second.” Dr Wong smiled, holding her hands.

Mrs Wong did not reply, still riveting her eyes on him, but her face went twitching again, lasted much longer this time. Then, her expression took a sudden change. Her face became relaxed. “Oh! Silly me! I shouldn’t have doubted you. You’d forgive me, won’t you, dear.”

“Of course!” replied Dr Wong.

“Let me make you another cup of coffee,” she said, a smile slowly formed, stretching to become a grin.

Later.

“Honey! I’m going out for my groceries. Just leave the cup and plates in the basin. And make sure you finish up that cup of coffee I made for you.”

With that instruction, She left.

A little while later, Dr Wong, after finishing breakfast, took the cup and plates to the kitchen.

Something caught his eye.

“Silly woman!” he said to himself. “Leaving your handbag at home. You are making a wasted trip when you realise you’ve left your money at home.” But he noticed something else was in the bag — a glittering tube, a tiny cylindrical container. But it was all empty. At that moment, the familiar looking container reminded him of…

“Shits! those funny questions she asked…the expressions on her face…the way she was staring at me…and…and…the coffee….” Dr Wong began to fidget as he pieced together the morning events. “No! No! How can she do this to me? She even spent the whole bottle on me when four tablets are enough to do the job. Wait! There’s no way she could have known about the drug. Even if she did, she couldn’t have known where I placed it, let alone taking it.”

Dr Wong rushed to the living room, opened the window panel and leaned out. He could see his wife. She was standing along the road, waiting. A red car was parking in front of her. A man, impeccably dressed, later came out, went up to her, gave her a kiss and held the door open for her in the most gentlemanly manner. Mrs Wong then spoke something to the man, but totally inaudible to Dr Wong, from where they were. But Dr Wong shouldn’t have difficulties in guessing what those words were.

“Thank you Lee Meng.”